the baldwin-family is to me what dave coulier was to alanis morissette :)
this story is actual and factual, but i do e m b e l l i s h

i want you to know that i have pranks for you
i've watched "punk'd" enough to get on your goat

i know your girls were thirteen when you called for the police
to ream me out at the court in beaver
you might be better than me, but did you have to blame me?
i'm sure you prayed i'd be detentioned all summer

well, you're fucked in a way cuz i've stayed as your neighbor
so hey suck it up - i'm lewd, there'll be no demise
and every time you're tweaked by me, you will know that your own deed
provoked me, you silly guy - i'm online and you're in my sights

and i'm here to remind you of the mess you left in my injured brain
i'm not scared to be writing to your boss, emailing your neighbor's place
you, you, you oughta know!

you've been very well since you tweaked me
i'm not quite as well, i thought you should know

you won't forget about me, mister military
can't wait to "punk" you in the middle of dinner
it was a bastard who made his daughter stick to her claim
when truth had sinked it neatly, and i'll "punk" her

cuz she fucked up my days every way half-decade
and her hate was enough for me to need suicide
for every time she's tweaked by me, please just know that her own deed
provoked me - if suicide is a crime, i'll live just for spite

and i'm here to remind you of the mess you left in my injured brain
i'm not scared to be writing your in-laws, emailing both daughters' dates
you, you, you oughta know!

cuz the joke that you played on my head-injuray
had me contemp-ulate the doom that is suicide
and when i die from gas inhaled or spray-killers of pests
i hope you're feelin' just like a demon

and i'm here to remind you of the mess you left in my injured brain
i'm not scared to be writing your in-laws, emailing your daughters' dates
you, you, you oughta know
that i'm here to remind you of the mess you left in my injured brain
i'm not scared to be writing to your boss, emailing your neighbor's place
you, you, you oughta know

alex and dylan have been writing parodies since 1999
we write so much more than parodies, so check it out!

i got my love of pranks and my "cents of humor" from uncle arthur

welcome to my latest prank

how two underage vag-holes sexually abused a retarded man
by alex a. baldwin


first of all, i am retarded. i am retarded from a brain-injury i had in 1990, and therefore i am much slower than your average victim of prejudice and harassment.

retardation is the act or result of delaying; the extent to which anything is retarded or delayed; that which retards or delays.

there is no shame in being retarded, and there is no shame in making fun of retarded people. this website isn't about my retardedness, it's about shane. shame. what the baldwins did to me was shameful - not because my brain is slowed-down, but because the baldwin-parents used their underage girls to FRAME a man who committed no crime. in other words, an innocent man, but i don't think that "innocent" should be a word used to describe someone who writes webpages like the ones i write. i may be retarded, but (like britney spears) i'm not that innocent.

a smart aleck, also spelled smart alek or smart alec, is someone whose sarcastic, wisecracking, or humorous manner is delivered in an offensive, obnoxious, or cocky way.

i started this website with only the above parody of an alanis morissette song posted. i am now here to address anyone who wants to hear the whole story of how i had been abused by people on my street. in 2016, the baldwin-family on my road abused my resourceless brain-damage by nonsensically reporting me to the police because of a g-rated inflatable man on my roof. the two malleable daughters were able to frame me simply by claiming to the police that they saw it as a sex-doll, and if two pre-teens are involved - no matter how pedo-licious they are or are not - then that spells trouble. being brain-damaged, i had no clue as to what to do, i had nobody to run to since it was three months earlier when my ex-counselor manipulated me into throwing my roommate out of my house, and i had no knowledge of how to combat the ridiculous "corruption of a minor" charge which was filed against me.

i was summoned tothe jail, i was fingerprinted, i was photographed (with my tongue firmly and obviously planted in my cheek to justify the ridiculousness of the charge), and for the next year (two years if you count the "supervised release" i was on) i was going to the beaver county courthouse many times while i was living in fear and in a constant state of panic and suicidal-ideation. THE FEAR AND IDEATION CAUSED BY THESE PEDO-LICIOUS, UNDERAGE HOTTIES CONTINUES TO THIS DAY, AND IT WILL CONTINUE FOR THE REST OF MY HANDICAPPED LIFE. none of the many pills prescribed before or after this happened can undo the damage done to me by these two pedo-licious kids (and their parents).
i'm trying to organize an event at the meat-packing plant called "the baldwin daughter-slaughter," but i'm having trouble finding a sponsor.

oh, i think it'd be a funny prank to kill myself on the baldwin's front lawn. ha. that reminds me of a video-clip i was trying to find for this webpage a month or two ago. alicia silverstone in aerosmith's "cryin'" video - when she jumped off the bridge in front of her boyfriend who could only watch her fall. it ends up that alicia has a bungee-cord attached to her, and after she makes the "suicide-attempt" and after she "punk'd" her boyfriend with the sight of her suicide, she's suspended in mid-air and gives her boyfriend the finger with a proud smirk on her face. ha. i was looking for the clip to post on this site because alicia's sentiment echos my sentiment towards the baldwin-dilf. i only wish i knew if my web-theatrics (and my presence on the search-engines) is causing the same amount of panic and discomfort as alicia's suicide-theatrics caused her boyfriend in the video.

how about a blowjob, eddie?
anyway...i went to court a bunch - plethora is a better word - i went to court a plethora of times during that year, and i was found not guilty after the police weretoo ashamed to bring photos of the g-rated dolls into court. i don't know what gave these girls (whose own mother's facebook-photo of them deems them as TOTAL MEGASLUTS) any hatred of me, but while don henley said "sometimes love just ain't enough," i said "sometimes rape just ain't unjustified". it is for that reason i would NEVER tell these broads to go fuck themselves if we ever were to meet face-to-face.

the baldwin-girls spent a lot of time walking on my road and in front of my house during the summer of 2016 and maybe 2017 as well. i remember one even waving to me in her slut-shorts. probably with a little girl-custard dripping and running down her long underage legs from an earlier romp with her dad. i wonder how big his penis is, because i love cock. anyway, i'd really like to see the custard-factory in between her legs, i'd love to see her producing the custard from her open-and-shut case. i'd pay money for that custard. she should probably find a way to be selling the custard, too, maybe find a way to freeze it. what a novel and original idea, selling frozen girl-custard. i hear that cranberry is something that keeps an underage vagina healthy and tasty, so i'd be #1 on the list to taste her original frozen custard of cranberry if she ever bought a field or meadow and wanted to plant a frozen girl-custard store on the meadows off the side of the road. what on earth would bloom if the baldwin-daughters started to sell their delicious custard to all the world? is it illegal for an underage-hottie to be selling the cunt-custard made by her and her daddy? who would be breaking the law - the girl or whoever is buying her sex-juice?

speaking of sex-juice, i am reminded of a song by live called "lakini's juice". there are some weird interpretations of the lyrics, but then there are weird interpretations of all lyrics. i think george michael said it best when he sung "if you've got something to say, why don't you say it". lyrics should be lucid, easily understood - if i've got something to say then i want it to be understood and not up to anyones jagged little imagination to misinterpret. i would assume that my parody of "u oughta know" told you exactly what you oughta know about the baldwins.

"sex packets" was a song by "digital underground" - the baldwin-girls are at the ripe (under)age for a parody called "sex traffick"

ANYWAY, someone said something about lakini and the area below the navel. the darker side of love called "obsession". not that i think i am obsessed with the sluts down the road, though i may be obsessed with this webpage, but i should probably write a parody of live's "lakini's juice". both alex and dylan worked together to parody live's "pain lies on the riverside" as "pain lies on the dyl's feline" back in 1999 when we started the site. it was about alf. HA! no seriously, it was about tormenting cats. anyway, the baldwin-girls both have first names which are three syllables, like lakini's is three syllables, so watch for a song about either of the baldwin-girls' juice.

"she makes me so HORNY, it should be ILLEGAL" - ken jeong, "sullivan and son"

speaking of lakini's about the BROTH that oozes out of these girls' pussies? mmn mmn good. bring some of that broth to the beaver county courthouse and we'll turn it into the beaver county WHOREHOUSE. the beaver county brothel. ha. better yet, i would LOVE to have a secret rendezvous with baldwin-daughters as my sex-slaves - the word "SLAVE" on their faces just like prince used to have. i'd put them on a leash and walk them, just like i'd do with my black bareback boyfriend if he was as into pushing peoples' buttons as madonna and i are.

i may get a little crazy and inappropriate with my language directed at two underage hotties, but at least now i know what bon jovi meant by "slippery when wet"...they were referring to GIRL-CUM. ha.


i may be inappropriate, i've been inappropriate since high-school - the word itself reminds me of how mr. durner would say it and nothing else when i did or said the things that i do and say. i may be inappropriate, but i'm not as inappropriate as one of the custard-girls was when i saw her taking pictures of me while i was driving down the road in my car. these custard-girls are underage sexual-predators who are looking for men to seduce in order to get men in trouble. they are just like female-chauvinists. rather, feminists.

save a fetus, abort a feminist.


save a piano, abort a baldwin.

now that i think about it, i remember that i would always pass the young man who lived just off of my road as he was standing by his mailbox. he was always staring at me as i drove past, nodding his head and smiling, and he continued to watch my car until i drove out of his range of vision. i'm thinking that he was trying to set me up, just as the baldwin-girls had always failed to do. yeah, i'm sure of it. the baldwin-girls realized that i was not responding to them, so they probably told their parents of my disinterest, and it was probably either the girls or their parents who had spoken to the young man and told him to start trying to seduce me just as the baldwin-girls were failing to do. i was always so close to stopping my car and talking to this underage specimen of manhood, possibly about man-custard rather than girl-custard, but i'm so glad that i didn't fall for the baldwin's pedophile-trap. this is just like the baldwin-family, what a bunch of creeps. he probably went to the same school as the baldwin-girls. maybe the freedom area senior high school. i don't know what schools are around here.


i don't know what schools are around here, but the real-estate is tremendous. ESPECIALLY the real-estate that's located on avery single square-inch of the baldwin-daughters' naked and luscious bodies. these pedo-licious custard-girls make me want to CLIMAX then RE-CLIMAX then CLIMAX then RE-CLIMAX then CLIMAX then RE-MAX. oh, lookie there....i made a new word. remax as a way to say reclimax. cool. remax remax remax. every time a girl goes without a man and therefore bleeds out an egg, she'll have to be remaxipadding. ha. remax, that's new and original. speaking of real-estate, i have to say that the nude property that's on the baldwin-girls is A1 supreme, and i would like a special realtor to show me their properties. GIRL-CUSTARD!!! this custard keeps me warm, not cold well bankers were the first professionals i had objectified in the beaver county area of pittsburgh, but realtors are sexy too. especially if they wouldn't hesitate to show me the naked property-lines i want to see on the custard-daughters.

the baldwins give beaver county a --- wait a minute, why am i praising their pedo-liciousness? i should stop with that and get back to bashing the bitches. yeah, their titty-cleavage and pussy-peekage (short-shorts) are kind of DIVINE, but let's get back to berating the underage, vaginal cunt-lips.

-------------- N E W S F L A S H --------------

In the city of Mulhouse, two young (broads) were attacked by an 18-year-old young man on Wednesday. According to the victims, the man accused one of them of wearing shorts that was too short and followed the pair to a tram stop while insulting them.

The teen then slapped one of the girls and pushed her to the ground and grabbed the other girl by the neck before leaving the scene.

(insert nanny fine's nasal laugh)

how can i forget...the baldwins are also intolerant of prince and probably every Colored, black or Negro-singer. those damned racist and prejudiced sons-of-bitches. i was calmly spoken to and politely criticized by their neighbor because it was a few times when i had dared to be driving past the custard-girls while prince was playing on my car-stereo. i don't care if they think that i'm cat-calling when they hear prince's trademark-scream coming from me. if something as idiotic as that can provoke them and get under their skin, if they are "punk'd" by something that menial, then of course i am going to try my darnedest to stop provoking them, but the amount of finger-pointing done by this intolerant family was amazing. they probably went so far as to report me to police when i was imitating prince's screams in my car.

this is how prince screams, this is how i screamed along with him.
it's a song of his called "sexuality," which starts with his common scream

he said it - "no child is bad from the beginning...they only imitate their atmosphere"

i snuck adam ant's "strip" record past my grandparents at age 8 or 9
at age 10, "purple rain" and "like a virgin" began two neverending obsessions
i learned a lot from two comedy-records of eddie murphy's i bought at age 10 or 11
i was introduced to the porno/adventure-game, "leisure suit larry" at around 12
all book-reports at 13 were books of stephen king's, which are very sexual
(i read "it" on a 4-day weekend, 1000 pages took 5 entire 45-minute classes)
at 14, "a fish called wanda" was overtly sexual...more on that later
at 15, "me so horny" was popular, so i bought "as nasty as they wanna be"
(i should parody their "put her in the buck" song with "kick her in the pink")
i was brain-damaged 9 days after my ever-horny 16th birthday

after those 7 years, i was quite the perv...but life went on...

i got a car at 18 and found adult-bookstores, locker-rooms and rest-stops
oh, and then there were the aol sex-rooms i found upon moving out at age 21

...speaking of vaginal-creampie(s) down the road, though...

i do not know what i had ever done to any of the people who live near me, but they're all a bunch of custard-stains. i never did anything, i am anti-social and somewhat scared of people, so i never interacted with any of the custard-stains. i remember that patrick had walked to my house in 2003, after i had been there for a few months, and he started talking with me about things OTHER than custard. i asked him to go out for lunch, but he declined and told me that he was married. i don't know why he seemed to imply that i wanted to romp together and eat HIS custard for lunch, as custard was probably the furthest thing from my mind. all i ever had been accustomed to doing with other people was either hooking up with them or eating a custardless lunch with them. i always went to lunch with my neuropsychologist from beechwood in 1995 or 1996, and i remember asking other doctors or paranedics if they would also do that, but they did not want to. i'm just asking to go out for a custard-less lunch, damn it. what did i do to make people around here try to have me framed as a custard-eating pedophile? i will never know.

glenn beck had a word for the baldwin-daughters - prosti-tots

one look at the custard-girls' mother's facebook-page shows the megasluts in megaslut-attire - short-shorts that are super-short. yeah, i know about "hot pants," the b-52s had a song called "hot pants explosion," but really...what kind of mother allows her 12 and 13 year-old daughters to dress like their vaginas are as loose as their mother's is? it's like these baldwin-girls are getting coached on how to lure pedophiles - why else would they dress like two-dollar whores? with the way that the parents had to have been actively pursuing my potential prosecution and court-appearances, i do not doubt that the pedo-licious daughters were being coached by their parents to dress as if they want to be raped in order to lure custard-loving pedophiles.

anyway, these underage twats are soul-less and they are frozen. they are original frozen custard-girls, which is what my sister kaitlin said about 112 times after seeing the graduation-picture of one of the custard-girls, whose shirt revealed probably about 40%-50% flesh, when it was featured on their lawn as a graduation-celebration. i took a picture of it and emailed a police-friend to report some kind of pedophilia...but he dismissed it because he told me that it was a legitimate graduation-photo. legitimate, my foot - these girls are fucking S L U T S!!! their own mother's facebook-photo of them says it all. seriously...these whores are SO VERY pedo-licious, so even if i or anyone else were to tell them to go fuck themselves, they wouldn't even know how to see masturbation as an option. they probably are too loose to even know what masturbation is! speaking of loose girls, i'm reminded of a song about incest by you-know-who!
I was only sixteen but I guess that's no excuse
My sister was thirty-two, lovely and loose
anyway, speaking of the custard-girls' pedo-licious vaginas...

in their mom's facebook-picture of them, the custard-girls' pose and demeanor would make me think that their vaginas would be able to devour a can of edge shaving-gel a lot easier than my ass did

their long brown-hair gives a hint at what their exquisite pussies look like. i can easily envision my boner invading the baldwin-daughters' luscious vaginas, my ass bobbing up and down while i am on top of either daughter and until i ejaculate the biggest load i've ever ejaculated. i sincerely hope that they do not shave the long brown hair from their pussies. that may ruin it for me if they ever invited me over to their house to have a foursome with their and their dad's custard.

anyway...speaking of and objectifying the baldwin-girls' pussies, i'm sure that the edge-can would simply penetrate their luscious vaginas without any stretching or bleeding
"well, that must've been quite a stretch" - the church lady

Newsom Signs Bill Removing Automatic Penalty for 'Consensual' Sex Acts Involving Minors
i emailed that headline to my police-friend and said "ha! check this out! i should send the headline to fuckface."

the custard-girls (along with their exquisite vaginas) are on the fucking HONOR ROLL at whatever school in beaver county that they go to!!! or went to. the one graduated in 2020, and i got the family's last name from the graduation-picture that was on their lawn. anyway, these girls being on the honor roll should send warning-flags to every man. DO NOT DATE, SPEAK TO OR OTHERWISE ASSOCIATE WITH ANY OF THE BALDWIN-GIRLS BECAUSE, UNLIKE MOST KITTENS WHO LURE MEN, THESE GIRLS HAVE BRAINS TO USE. i can't wait til the next custard-girl graduates and there's another picture on the lawn. i have no shame. even if i soon relocate and move away so that i am closer to a bunch of casinos, i would come back so that i can take a picture of the other loose daughter. i hope the police don't check my computer to find the custard-girls' graduation-pictures on it, because i'd be nabbed for child-porn with the way they dress.

porn-princesses the baldwin-girls are. look at the way they sway their hips when they walk. their mother's facebook-picture of them in hot-pants while they are standing so close to each other tends to remind me of wendy and lisa from prince's band. suggestive lesbianism. who cares if it's incest? i am imagining them both in g-strings or thongs or something that turns every girl into an object. do a little strip-tease for me, girls. oh, pardon me, i know that feminists (short for "female-chauvinists") don't like to be referred to as "girls," so understand that when i say "girls" then i really mean to refer to females as "vaginas". :) anyway, the picture i took of the one's grad-picture which was on their lawn may get me investigated for child-porn, so i am a little scared that it's on my hard-drive. ha. the baldwin-girls are what made the drive hard, and i wouldn't be suprised if my hard-drive is longing to be getting acquainted with the baldwin-girls innerspace. starting with their placentas. doesn't tom cruise eat placenta? ha. blood, mother, blood!

i actually did have my computer searched by fbi once. well, not the fbi-men who came to my apartment in nashville during the summer of 2000 while i was beating off and had porn on the computer. er, wait a minute - those men were from the secret-service. anyway, one saw my computer and giggled under his breath at my answering the door during such a moment. i think that nashville's encounter was related to a posting about hillary clinton on my website. the pittsburgh fbi-men who actually checked my computer did so - oh, i remember. i sent some parody-email about harming someone in some state whose email-address i got on aol, mentioning "the mothman prophecies" which i had fresh in my head. they took a copy of the hard-drives on my computer. that was fun. speaking of fbi...rob from the fbi came into my life years later, along with the new sewickley police. i am not being delusional to guess that rob saw me as likable. when i was on the phone with him after i met with him, i remember him asking a few "did that really happen" type of questions about my page. he must have read so much of my websites...he'd be my #1 fan if he was reading everything for entertainment-purposes. when we met face-to-face for the first time, we must've been talking for a while - i guess it was his mission to find out if i was any kind of threat or not. rob saw me as likable...not lickable, though, but i can't win 'em all.

i'm so naughty. almost kavanaughty. ha. speaking of naughty, when i hired someone to build the pool-house, he spoke of knotty-wood and i laughed. my naughtiness wants to spank the naughtiness right out of both of the underage pedo-licious baldwin-sisters/custard-sisters. i'll put on my police-uniform and quote "officer krystal" when she said "you NAUGHTY girl!"


lasting effects from the baldwins' balderdash include a total assassination of character, a greater mistrust of people than my brain-injury had ever given me, and a seething hatred of females who wear the same kind of short-shorts that the baldwin-vaginas used to tempt me with before they realized i was more interested in fucking the DILF formerly known as their father. and what a dad he is, what a pa, what a pap, what a set of balls must be on this man!

another lasting effect from the "baldwindash" is an increased paranoia i have of a policeman pulling into my driveway. no, not pulling into my "driveway," but my actual driveway. it happened so much in 2016-2017, a policecar pulling into the driveway, a policecar patrolling my road, that if i hear a car-sound coming from the front of my house, i usually get off the mattress i'm on (it's my computer-chair) and scurry to the window to see if a police-car is in my driveway. i thought to add this tidbit to my webpage because i had just done it. it's 2020 and i'm still doing it.

oh, and this happened when i was doing a little "nudeswimming" in my pool, around 2017 i guess. i know that i got out of the pool and was speaking to the policeman without any clothes on, but i'm not sure if it was another surprise-visit or if i had called the police for some reason before i ended up in the pool. i just thought i'd mention the situation because...i guess because i like to write about how quirky i am. i was talking to the hunks in the police-department when i was naked!

speaking of "assassination of character," though, i realized it because it was years ago when a total stranger in walmart called me a "creeper" and had a lot of other things to say to me. i didn't realize the reason he did it at the time, but now i do. the character-assassination is also realized every halloween. not that i am complaining, not that i care enough to have any candy in the house, but i also had always wondered why no trick-or-treaters came up to my house. i should write a parody of bananarama's "i heard a rumor" about this. ha. "bad publicity is better than no publicity" is something i remember hearing during my youth, and i believe it, so i guess i shouldn't be complaining about rumors. i never liked fleetwood mac, anyway.


if the custard-girls continued to INSIST that what they were able to see WITHOUT BINOCULARS on my roof, which was over 180 feet away from where their blood-leaking vaginas stood on the street, were x-rated sex-dolls, even after they were assured by the police that the dolls were g-rated, then EVERY MAN MUST MUST MAKE SURE THAT THE SNATCH HE IS MILKING CUSTARD OUT OF IS NOT NAMED BALDWIN. this is my warning to men in western pennsylvania and everywhere else - DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH ANY VAGINA NAMED BALDWIN UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE FRAMED WITH A BUNCH OF IDIOTIC CHARGES WHILE YOUR NAME IS DRAGGED THROUGH THE MUD.

the baldwins have caused me a lot of grief and suicidal-ideation. they're a bunch of finger-pointing busybodies. just like mrs. kravitz from "bewitched," if you will. "ABNER! ABNER! COME LOOK AT THIS!"

the baldwins have caused me a lot of grief and suicidal-ideation, and i have been victimized by them, but they may have cured my gambling-addiction. seriously...i am at a casino-resort right now, using my computer on the bed in my hotel-room, and i am not thinking about when i will go downstairs to gamble. i would never have been able to imagine being so close to a casino and not itching to gamble, but documenting the behaviors and the sexual misconduct of the baldwins has given me a new leash on life. it's like i have found and tapped into a new energy-harbor or power-station that is giving me a pure energy and a new zest for life. living in the deadbeat-area that is the beaver valley, my new hobby of exposing the baldwins is giving my life meaning and excitement, and i really like having meaning and purpose to my life. thank you, mr. baldwin.

(insert nanny fine's nasal laugh)

speaking of "pure energy," of course i'm thinking of a song called "what's on your mind" which probably came out when i was in 8th or 7th grade. given my fascination with "morphing" lyrics to songs, i was always saying "penn energy...penn energy" when the payments from penn energy were supposed to start coming to me because of the gas-lease i had signed. i think i started saying "first energy...first energy" until i realized that it was actually penn power that was going to be paying me. i think first energy is in shippingport, on the way to the mountaineer casino, so i don't know why i would've said "first energy...first energy". hmn, it seems that there are articles online about how "first energy" went bankrupt...i am shaneful and full of shame when things go bankrupt, because i tend to see it as irresponsible, but what do i know? i'm just a big instigator from baldwin

shane always said that to me when we were dating. it's true, i tend to like to be an instigator who provokes people with tattletale-webpages like this one. it's like that song by "digital underground" called "kiss u back" - "if you kiss me then i'll kiss you back, but if you hit me then i'll hit you back". i know that nothing i can do will ever make up for what the baldwin-family did to me, but i hope that i am causing the underage-hotties quite a bit of emotional abuse with their and their family's names being so closely connected to this webpage through search-engines. case in point - there is no mention of a "wanda baldwin" on this page, i have no relatives named wanda, i have no idea who wanda baldwin is or would be, but a search for "wanda baldwin beaver" has this site at around #25. "wanda baldwin's beaver" is around #180.

speaking of the underage vaginas, i am quite sure that i heard a little female's voice outside of my house a few times. the doggie-door that's in my wall makes outside-sounds audible. i don't doubt that there are people coming around at night, probably entering the pool-room through the open window, probably adding to the damage already done by the renters who were kicked out by the vagina who my ex-counselor is married to while i was using my free hotel-room at the rocky gap casino. my ex-counselor and his wife are going to be in a heap of trouble for manipulating a brain-damaged patient into transferring ownership of his house to them. my mom wants to see them in jail, as she hired the lawyer to go after them, but i would rather have my ex-counselor have to sell his business to pay for damages done to me. oh, my mom did not hire a lawyer, she just went to the judge and he was sympathetic enough to give her the name of a lawyer. not a public defender, either, so my ex-therapist is paying for a lawyer while i am not. anyway, getting back to the people who are probably damaging the house, i used to have cameras everywhere outside to keep an eye on my past pets, on the mailbox, on the driveway, on the delivery-spots where packages were left, on the pool, and i probably should get them again.

on second thought, i couldn't care less about any damage to this house. i couldn't care less about setting it on fire and just walking away. i would have walked away from this house years ago if i would have just let my ex-counselor have it, but things were taken out of my hands once i let my friend call "adult protective services" to report my ex-counselor for manipulating me into signing my house over to him and his wife. how stupid, mr. bates, but i was fearing losing the house because of unpaid taxes which i am sure i paid. i was in the casino's garage, talking on the phone to the tax-people, and i am sure i had given my credit-card number. i went to the township-office, as well, but i am quite certain that i couldn't pay everything there, and that's probably why i remember trying to pay it over the phone in the casino's garage.

the bottom line is that i have no attachment to this house and no desire to keep living in a place that's a short distance to a total of ZERO casinos. in 7 months, my income will go up $1000 because i will no longer have to repay jg wentworth for a stupid "rash to judgment" loan i had gotten years ago, and i will be getting a few hundred less than what i was getting in 1995 when the second accident-lawsuit was ruled in my favor. oh, "rash to judgment" is a play on was the title of the episode of "the nanny" which was about fran breaking out in a rash.

i have got to learn to stop babbling. i'm just going to go back to the new leash on life that i feel, the mental power-plant i have tapped into by documenting the behavior of the baldwins. it's quite a new thing to be content with being in my room all day. i haven't done it for years, as i have replaced writing with gambling because i haven't felt much motivation to be adding to my main website, but reporting the behavior of the baldwins on this website keeps me content to be alone in my room. it IS a new leash on life, it's like a negro-slave finally finding freedom, and it's probably even better than signing a new lease on an apartment in nashville. freedom pennsylvania beaver boredom. shameful purposelessness - shame shame shane.

speaking of power-plants and going nuclear...if there was one family i would give my damaged right-eye to nuke, it would be the baldwin-family. living in the beaver valley, i am usually purposeless if i am not adding to any of my websites, and i am not very close to any casino i have not been banned from. the rivers casino in pittsburgh banned me for wearing short-shorts. i'm not sure if it was because of the short-shorts or if it was because i changed into pants and then re-entered the casino, but either way i was not told that i couldn't re-enter. i was only told after i re-entered with pants on, since they said that i couldn't wear my short-shorts. the mountaineer casino in west virginia is about as close to me as the rivers casino is, but it's such a tedious drive to get there. speaking of nuclear power-plants, i have to pass one in shippingport on the way to the mountaineer casino, and it is quite unnerving. it's too much to handle for me, i'm just an above-average man from baldwin.

where was i? oh, yeah, beaver county is a dumb place to live. shameful. i am full of shane when i have nothing to do. if the baldwins did not have the nerve to call the police on a retarded man for putting g-rated dolls on his roof, if the baldwins were not responsible for ruining my life for a few years, i wouldn't be making this website and i'd have nothing to do. i think i have said "thank you, mr. baldwin" on another part of this page, and i will again say "thank you for the new leash on life" to mr. baldwin.

by the way, i am referencing a muppet called "rowlf the dog" when i use that "new leash on life" line, i'm not stupid. i may be stupider than the custard-sisters who are on the honor-roll, but at least it's not my gender which makes me stupid. having a vagina makes people stupid because vaginas (i'm talking about the body-part sense of the word right now, though i usually refer to actual females as "vaginas") are fun and easy for men to take control of and jizz inside of, and females have actually succeeded into manipulating the world into thinking that rape is a bad thing. so much, that the little females of the world are constantly on the lookout to report ANYONE who does or says anything which is anti-female, no matter how stupid their accusation is.

"i feel violated because, as a 'strong woman,' i am shorter than most of the men in the world, and one man had the nerve to ask if i needed help reaching the top shelf at the grocery-store".

"i feel violated because, as a 'strong woman,' i am on sports-teams which do not compete against men, and one man had the nerve to suggest that female athletes RELY on not being required to compete against men".

"i feel violated because, as a 'strong woman,' i am encouraged to 'fight like a girl,' but all that really means is 'fight like a person with diminished upper-body strength,' and i feel like society is ridiculing females' abilities"

"i feel violated because, as a 'strong woman,' i attended a 'battle of the sexes' at my local gym, and it was all only a matter of cardio!"

"i feel violated because, as a 'strong woman,' i do not see man-sized weights in female-only fitness-centers"

"i feel violated because, as a 'strong woman,' i get offended by everything under the sun, and he had the nerve to put a g-rated inflatable man on his roof which my perverted and sex-crazed imagination saw as a sex-doll from 180 feet away".

here's a story which points to the insecurities of EVERY worthless piece of vagina, and how females try to basically outlaw everything which offends their meager little feelings
here is another article speaking of the weak-wills which are property of the paranoid finger-pointers known as females

females are all about protecting their idiotic senses of pride, kind of like gays are not seen as stupid for doing. if having a vagina eventually turns someone into a paranoid nitwit who must protect a flaccid sense of "pride," and who thinks everyone is out to demean them, i am glad i don't have one.

talking about how everyone has been brainwashed into protecting females' flaccid senses of pride, all boils down to how society is all for giving special compensations to vaginas instead of to men BECAUSE of the inadequacies and shortcomings of the lackluster female gender. lackluster. lackeys. ha. ethan suplee. i watched a lot of "boy meets world" years after it ended, maybe i watched "my name is earl" before "boy meets world," but i had a crush on ethan in "my name is earl".

speaking of how it's common for anyone to be protecting females' flaccid senses of pride, though, i'm going to go to a random facebook-page and comment. before i do, though, i am an unapologetic narcissist, so i will just throw something in here: it is nearly imppossible for me to make a facebook-account, fake or not, and not be disconnected after a minute or two. i've tried on different wifi-providers, different computers, no pictures or bio-info, and it's always the same. i've created hundreds of accounts for purposes of marketing my websites, so maybe that's why i am somewhat banned. i just thought i'd say that.

so here's mike coldwell's facebook-page.
i have no idea who he is. for all i know, he could be a real-estate agent in baldwin, florida. he could be a secret asian-man from tibet. he could be prince reincarnated. it's a random webpage.

regarding mike coldwell's picture...and it's not this coldwell-banker i'm banking on to prove my point, it's the majority of facebook-pictures i see when i am able to succeed in deceiving facebook's intolerant ban of me. if i go to any man's facebook-page, there is usually a vagina who is also in the picture, and the vagina of the picture is usually either in the center of the picture or the vagina is the person at the left of the picture so that anyone who is accostomed to reading left to right will see the vagina first and the man last. it's just like facebook's "artificial intellegence" sensors are promoting the lackluster gender in an effort to make females think that they AREN'T lackluster in comparison to men, and it's getting quite ridiculous. how petty - facebook's AI-systems will mirror or crop an uploaded picture if the big, masculine-looking body would have more of a presence than the little, feminine-looking body. it's everywhere, not just on facebook - the lesser gender is always spotlighted and men are basically sent to the black of the bus. male-chauvinism is unwanted, yet female-chauvinism is celebrated. it's fine and dandy for a company to have an advertisement which features all girls, but it's not fine for it to feature men without a girl being somewhere in the picture.

speaking of "the black of the bus," it's not only females who receive this kind of priviledge and overcompensatory promotion of their lacklusterness, it's the blacks too. talk about black-priviledge, if blacks aren't priviledged then why has the "black lives matter" movement not been destroyed within the first month of the destruction that they have caused? would a "white lives matter" movement still be in existence if so much destruction and murder had been caused in the name of white people? no, and i will tell you what would happen - nigs would murder whites for being involved with a "white lives matter" group, just as whites should murder blacks for being involved with the delusions of racial superiority that nigs suffer from. destruction caused in the name of blacks is tolerated because everything is excused if it's in the name of nigs. that's what "black priviledge" is - overcompensation to pacify the feelings of the blacks. THERE IS NO BLACK ALIVE TODAY WHO HAS EXPERIENCED SLAVERY - I KNOW THAT KAMALA HARRIS WOULD ARGUE THAT FACT ON THE GROUNDS THAT TUPAC IS STILL ALIVE, BUT SHE'S JUST A GIRL...SHE'S ENTITLED TO BE AN AIRHEAD.

overcompensation to pacify the feelings of the blacks, black-priviledge. it's the same thing as letting the lesser gender into the military with less being required of females. girlie-priviledge. black-priviledge. they are rooted in the same "poor poor pitiful me" nonsense.

there are national groups whose business is promoting one gender and not the other, one race and not the other. the naacp is a racist group because race is what defines them. any pro-female group is a sexist group because sex (gender) is what defines them. that's on the surface, and the people who make up these groups are racists and sexists to the 69th or 112th degree. what is known as "diversity" in today's world has no tolerance for actual diversity, only politically-correct "diversity". it's like a bumper-sticker i made a long time ago - "tolerate my intolerance, you bigot". nothing is diverse if everything is diverse.

any nation that intends to survive does not need females in the limelight. i cringe when i hear a little vagina say anything about male-chauvinism, because female-chauvinism runs amok in every society nowadays. you don't hear men bragging that they were able to easily surpass a little female in something, and it would be considered chauvinistic to do so, but once a little female is finally able to surpass a man in something, it's all she talks about. it's a national headline!

female soldiers are plentiful because the military has lesser physical-requirements for the lesser gender to become soldiers, the coney island hot-dog-eating competition has a special "female division" for the sake of the smaller stomachs, there has been talk of lowering the hoop for female basketball-players, so when will society see through the nonsense known as "girl power". females are disabled - they are rarely seen to compete against men because femininity is no match for masculinity. men's bodies have a crystal-clear advantage in competence. bigger, taller, broader, stronger, hungrier, hornier, smarter, faster. if you disagree with men being smarter than females, i also did until i saw the majority of the "mensa" brain-group.

if you ever want to see a lot of anti-female sense, check out

female pastors - how do you preach a bible which says NO FEMALE PASTORS?
female soldiers - how are they useful if physical-requirements are less?
dead female judges - why can one only be replaced by another female?

anyway, back to the abuse caused by the baldwins...i figured i'd add the charges of "open lewdness" and "indecent exposure" to the mix, though it has less to do with the baldwins and more to do with the rest of the people on my street. i'll try to make it as quick as possible. actually, it was because the police charged me with "open lewdness" and "indecent exposure" that i put the inflatable g-rated men on my roof, which is what brought the "corruption of a minor" charge around.

here's a little secret - they would have been x-rated inflatable men if i found x-rated ones as inexpensive as the g-rated ones. i have no shame.

wait a minute, that's not part of the little secret.

i have no shame.

anyway, i was suntanning on my roof, 180 feet from the road and behind a railing, and the pedo-licious little boy across the street told his parents, who called the police. "big ron" came to my house, drove up the driveway, and i was scared enough to crawl through the window and into my room. that's how he was able to tell the judge that he saw my sweet-cheeks. sweet cheeks...wasn't that a brand of apple-juice? maybe that was "red cheek". ha.

i did not have red cheeks after "big ron" saw my sweet-cheeks.

anyway, he told me that he would charge me with "open lewsness" or "indecent exposure". did i type "open lewsness" - wow. i don't think i could have been charged with that. is that even a crime? it's nobody's business how loose my edge shaving-gel can made me.

anyway...either the "open lewdness" or "indecent exposure" charge may have come around while the case for the other was going on...kind of like "throw it all against the wall and see what sticks". anyway, after nearly a year of going to the beaver county courthouse (the baldwins' "corruption of a minor" charge came while the first two charges were happening), i was found not guilty of the first two charges...probably after "big ron" told the judge that he couldn't see anything lewd or indecent until he was driving up my driveway. they were likely "seeing what stuck" for every one of the charges because, for me to have been found guilty of avery or any one of the charges, the law would have had to been stretched quite a lot.

"well, that must've been quite a stretch" - the church lady

actually, now that i think about it, i couldn't have been put on probation for nothing. i remember thinking that it was a consolation-prize for the district-attorney, being that he wanted something much worse forme and probably needed to be consoled. i was just happy that it was over - it was like someone woke me up from a nightmare that was spiritually sent to me by the baldwin-girl and whatever evil powers she has through her ties with a very satanic family of baldwins. no, ido not know which satanic church they go to, but it's probably a feminist-church, seeing that feminists are jealous of men, masculinity and how masculinity is superior to femininity (height, weight, strength, appetite, and mensa-membership if you would disagree with my saying "intellectual superiority"), and all faminists deserve to be getting romantic below the belt with a carving-knife.

(insert nanny fine's nasal-laugh)

probation was mostly just going to the whorehouse avery month to meet with the baldwin-daughters - er, it was just going to the COURTHOUSE to meet with james, my probation-officer, so i didn't see it as a punishment. that's why i didn't think that any of the 3 charges against me had stuck, and that's why i thought that my "probation" was a consolation-prize to the da who hates me. it wasn't much of an inconvenience. i was supposed to stay in my county, and i don't leave my house for much anyway, but james said i could still go to my casinos and my post-office box. i actually asked my police-friend why i was on probation if i wasn't guilty of the crimes, so i will post the answer when i get it.

i tried to find the records online, and it seems that i was found guilty of the "indecent exposure" charge, even though "big ron" told the judge that he couldn't see anything until he was driving on my driveway, so maybe that is why i got probation for a year. i will post again when i hear back from my other police-friend.

i have a bit of the answer. the "indecent exposure" charge only had me pay a fine. that leaves "open lewdness" which is probably the one that got me probation, but i asked why i would get a punishment for two different charges if they both were filed for the same act of unseen (or at least indistinguishable) nudity? stay tuned for the answer.

i got an answer. the "open lewdness" and "indecent exposure" charges carried a fine. i'm not sure how much it was, but i remember paying a $1 as bond. i asked my police-friend what i was given probation for, and i'll post when i know. i asked my probation-officer via email, as well.

i got an answer from my roommate. i was not on probation but on supervised-release. i had to see a "probation officer" every week, so that is why i came to know it as "probation," but i remember that when i first got it and went to my probation-officer, i was thinking "if i'm not on probation then why do i have a probation-officer" to myself. so, mystery solved.

anyway, i now sunbathe on my roof (which, again, is too far back on private property to see any detail) with tiny, skin-colored briefs and nothing else on. we used to say a lot of outlandish things in high-school, followed by one word - PSYCHE. i'm wanting someone to call the police on my perceived nudity. "big ron" told me (after my g-rated dolls were mistaken for x-rated ones) that if interpretation of a sight (i tawt i taw a putty-tat) is enough to cause alarm, then they have to investigate. i'm actually curious as to what would happen if "big ron" found out that he was called to my house for a song by heart called "nothing at all". would the baldwin-whores who pulled the false-alarm be punished? someone would have to be, and i know that i wouldn't and couldn't be. maybe i would be if i was found to have been intentionally provoking the vaginas on my street, but maybe not since i don't call attention to myself. i'd only be sitting on my roof, praying for one of the thin-skinned vaginas to see me, and i wouldn't be provoking anything but the thin-skinned paranoia that people like the baldwins have about handicapped people.'s not only the baldwins who abuse handicapped people, it's everyone on my street, but until i can better organize the thoughts in my "traumatically brain-injured" brain, until i have time to finish the actual timeline of what the baldwins have done to me, please see similar webpages which i have created in response to others who have abused a traumatic brain-injury.

loney hutchins dot com is about the abuse endured at a brain-injury facility in tennessee.

Hutchins gets 90 days in jail and will pay almost $250,000 in restitution

brent olean dot com is about an abusive counselor who manipulated someone with a brain-injury until ownership of a house was transferred to the counselor and away from the brain-damaged victim.

speaking of, the son of loney hutchins, also named loney hutchins, emailed the UDRP to complain about my website and to have them transfer the domain-name to him. the UDRP realized that the loney hutchins i was criticizing was not the same loney hutchins who wrote the email, and i think that they mentioned this deception in their response, but they ended up saying that my site was one of legitimite criticism of the rehab-home that loney owned. that was a big "tough tooties" type of response to the complaint that was written about my using loney's name as my domain-name.

here is how the UDRP ruled in my favor

oh, speaking of another "punk'd" domain-name, i also was asked by a judge to remove a webpage called "," which was about a police-vag who brought me to court for posting that she looked like a policeman. i didn't get in trouble for that, either, since the judge couldn't see that any crime had been committed.

speaking of mrs. blazavich...that trip to the magistrate's office is probably yet another reason that the district-attorney dislikes me so much. ok, my ex-counselor used the word "hates" to describe the district-attorney's feelings toward me, but yeah, i'm sure that the website i put up would have played a part in his desires to have me put in jail.

ha, i just noticed - take a look at abby blazavich's initials. it's funny that abby's initials are ab. alex baldwin!

i also wrote to the hospital which mysister worked atwhen she was in california, and i made a webpage named after that hospital. i complained to them of the anti-gay harassment i received from my sister when i was a pre-teen and even a teenager. i didn't expect my letter to almost cause her to be fired, but it was california...that's enough said.

there may soon be a dorothy pentrancosta dot com page, a lynn m patterson dot com page and an olimpi and kramer dot com page, as these are names of lawyers who were employed by "adult protective services" and who treated me and my case like shit, but who knows if i'll ever get around to figuratively raping these worthless pieces of vagina.

oh, yeah, this alexabaldwin dot com page will probably also get into the abusive nature of richard jones of the new sewickley police-department. when i talk to him, it is easy to see that he became a police-officer because of his lack of a strong sense of self. he's quite a bully. i can't remember why i had something about timothy gatehouse on the page, or whether i had confused him with richard jones, but this line has been on the page for a little while - " may be in the works".

how stupid of me. timothy gatehouse is the one who filed the "corruption of a minor" charge on behalf of the baldwins. that's what my police-friend said.

speaking of richard jones - after he came to my house to basically ream me out about my having written to the baldwin-girls' employer, telling me that nobody on my street cares about me, i wrote to my police-friend to report richard jones' obnoxious and unpolice-like behavior. i also told him that i was thinking about sending richard jones the "mystery 3rd verse" of garth brooks' "friends in low places," and i'll post garth's lyrics here:

Well I guess I was wrong, I just don't belong
But then, I've been there before

And everything is alright, I'll just say goodnight
And I'll show myself to the door

Hey I didn't mean to cause a big scene, Just wait 'til I've finished this glass
Then sweet little lady, I'll head back to the bar

"nobody cares about you on this street," "you are bothering a sweet little girl," he even told me that the baldwins wanted to press charges. yes, he did fumble or stutter when he said "press charges," but charges against me for warning an employer about an employee's penchant for abusing handicapped people? i asked "what would i be charged with," he said "harassment," and i just let it go. who was i to argue, and what good is taking issue with john cusack or anyone who'd "say anything," right? he was really trying to put it in my head that everything i do is wrong. so i sent my police-friend the lyrics i wanted to send right to dick. oh, yeah, i was constantly referring to richard as "dick" in my email to my police-friend.
i guess i use the internet as a method to see to it that the jerks who abuse me are "punk'd," either by webpages like this one or by emails i send to people who are close to the jerks, which are emails that tattle on the behavior of the jerks. prince said "sometimes it snows in april," but i say "sometimes i'll write their employer". speaking of my "punk'd" pranks, sometimes i send emails which ask the jerks a bunch of ludicrous things, often sexual in nature, but done so politely and as if i were talking to a friend.

it's not like i am lying, so i guess it's not a total prank. if i emailed and asked anyone - say my ex-boyfriend shane - to hook me up with his neighbor, i'd be totally serious about drinking shane's neighbor's custard...maybe get an appointment with dr. ruth and have the custard frozen for later consumption! i wonder what FLAVOR shane's NEIGHBOR ejaculates! polly want a graham-cracker, cuz i like big-dicked and roly-poly hunks. shane's always been kinda manly-looking, so i'd absolutely drink his custard, but i don't think i mentioned a threesome when i sent him something like this:

your neighbor has been approaching me and speaking to me for years - at walmart, following me around the cul-de-sac, following me up my driveway. once he actually asked if there was anything he "could do for me," so please tell him that if he is interested then i am interested in getting to know him. maybe even without any clothes on!

this webpage certainly has given me a "new leash on life," to take a quote from rowlf the dog. i had been frequently wishing i was dead before i started this website, due to the effects of my brain-injury as well as the effects of what the baldwins did to my mental health, so my current time-occupying obsession with having the baldwins "punk'd" by me is a welcome change. it's all i think about, it's all i wanna do. they are all a bunch of worthless pieces of vagina, but it seems to me that the whore of a mother condones and celebrates how her daughters dress like two-dollar whores, so a lot of my REM sleep brings images of her being kicked in the pink. "KAITLIN, YOU WOKE ME UP," i screamed to my sister when she woke me up in the middle of a dream i was having about the rape of the milf.

"if i'm stuck in some groovy wet dream, don't pinch me. i don't wanna wake up"
---- prince, "she spoke 2 me"

here's a funny quote of corey feldman's from "stand by me"
I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck!

remember wil wheaton's "barf-a-rama" story of revenge? :)
creating webpages has always been a theraputic form of revenge for me


...and speaking of wanda...
i was inserting my boner into the pillowcase long before i saw wanda humping the rope



the girlie gets picked on and her parents call the cops. what retards. it just gives me more motivation to have that family "punk'd" endlessly for the rest of my life. if by nothing but the existence of this website and its overwhelming presence on google.
speaking of google...i searched for "beaver falls luscious alex a," and this website was returned in the #1 position. "beaver falls luscious vagina" has my site at the #5 position. i am a little angry because "a very baldwin vagina" does not show my site at #1, but "avery baldwin vagina" does. what the "avery" anything more than a typo? the lack of a space to separate "a" and "very"?
i have a "traumatic brain-injury". i use the internet to keep a diary of substantial, some would say "select" events in my life. this website is just another addition to an increasing number of websites and/or webpages which are designed to tattle on my abusers.



MESSAGE TO WHOEVER TOLD ME TO RISK AFFIRMING PATRIARCHAL ENDEAVORS...I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS, SO GET BACK TO ME. looks like i am goingto have to redo my homepage so that i can provide a better glimpse of the baldwins. i also have to redo it because an abrasive policeman told me to leave my abusers alone. that reminded me of how lawyers told me to keep mymouth shut about my ex-counselor and his wife who had manipulated my brain-damage in order to have me transfer my house to them. i'll obey in the sense that i won't talk about any specific baldwin, as i didn't mention any specific counselor on the redo of the other webpage, but i will talk about the abuse caused by a non-specific baldwin and i have talked about the abuse caused by a non-specific counselor. LET'S BEGIN WITH A LITTLE BACKGROUND...

i have a story of abuse that i am compelled to tell. it is alittle upsetting that i have the same last name as my abusers, but maybe that's just me. i am not related to them. i simply have a "traumatic brain-injury," and that's why the baldwins thought that they could abuse me.

i grew up in western newjersey, i had my brain-injury when i was 16 and most of my rehabilitation-therapy took place within a half-hour from titusville. towns like princeton, philadelphia, bucks county, and the list goes on.

should i provide a likes/dislikes page? ok, i will.
i enjoy the freedom which a car gives to me, i enjoy my pets (1 beaver and 2 bulldogs, and 2 thankfully-dead pussies/pussy), and i enjoy spending time with my sister named kaitlin. by the way, kaitlin placed 112 in a 69-kilometer race, and i'm proud of her. she feels such asense of accomplishment and freedom! she wasso imprisoned by her own sense of failure, she was living in failure, but now she is living in freedom! 112 kaitlin placed, i can't believe it! 112!! i'm so happy for her. anyway, i also enjoy my old record-albums. my favorite isthe one with madonna's "santa baby" on it - it's called "a very special christmas".

i really enjoy themovie called "avery brady christmas" because, when i wasa child, ALL of my christmas-holidays were spent with family and therefore each christmastime was, with or without the sister, "avery baldwin christmas". we eventually became quite open about sex, and we were known to share "avery baldwin sexuality".

i also enjoy spending my days at casinos. i love a casino - food, plenty of delicious desserts - especially CUM-TWAT PUDDING or KUM-QUAT PUDDING - gambling, even bowling at one casino called the meadows

original frozen custard is what THIS baldwin enjoys fordessert, and that fact is undeniable. sometimes i get depressed and suicidal because of the baldwins, and that takes the enjoyment right out of life, butmost of my days i regard as "avery special day" if i am lucky enough to have frozen yogurt in the icebox.

i would LOVE to freeze the custard takenfrom either baldwin's vagina and have that for dessert. i would love to freeze the custard of their boyfriends, too, as i have seen the one fine specimen on manhood on facebook. the baldwins give me so much masturbatory-material that i have cum spurting out of me every second of the day.

that's actually what a doctor said to me when i was in a psychiatric-hospital in nashville, after i made the suicide-attempt which began the escape-process from a brain-injury home which the owner wouldn't let me out of. at the psyche-hospital, i was always gawking at another patient, i had probably done what in today's climate would be characterized as "sexual harassment," and i was often caught whacking-off in my room. the doctor - dr. quintis or quintas - told me that he was going to send me to a home for sex-addicts. "nurses said that you were spurting all over the place" is what he said to me. i remember because i had that line in the screenplay i had written about my adventures in nashville.

anyway, getting back to my likes and dislikes...i also enjoy the old movie called "weird science," and i've always wanted to be humping that LISA chick. if she was my wife, her name would be LISA BALDWIN, and lisa baldwin is a MILF. a cougar, even! luscious lisa...remember "passionate patty" from the "leisure suit larry" computer-game? ha. search google for "beaver county luscious lisa" and this page is at #5. larry would be so proud.

(here's another one for the jagged little record-books: google "alec baldwin delicious cock" and this site is around the 150th listing as of november 2020)

luscious lisa, the MILF. ha. i am just adding this paragraph because i want to say something. i have never had anything to do with marijuana before i started taking thc for sleep and mood during september of 2020. i took the bs "cbd" a few months before starting the thc, but bs is bs. anyway, it was a night or two ago when i took my thc/marijuana as a sleep-aid, and sometime later is when thought of the name "luscious lisa" and i just had uncontrollable laughter. i thought about posting this story then, but i didn't think it was important. it happened again tonight, uncontrollable laughter at the name "luscious lisa," and so i just thought to put on some billy joel and "tell you about it". my friend calls me "kelso" when i take the thc, i had never made the connection until the name "luscious lisa" make me start laughing, i mean really LAUGHING. when i'm not "high," it's still funny, though not as much laughing. just the name "luscious lisa" is enough to make me resemble kelso a little more. seriously...i realized how much i was laughing, then i got an image of kelso's smiling face. what do you call a smile when you're high? a highle. ha! i kill me!
how would michael kelso understand this website,
the ever-increasing presence it seems to have on search-engines
and it's effect on online-searches for every baldwin family-member,
in light of the bullshit that the baldwins have put me through?

going back to "luscious lisa" and MILFs, my favorite movie is "american pie". it overtook "ferris bueller's day off" as my favorite movie. i first saw it online in 2005, i think. i didn't like the second, but i loved "american wedding" because of "officer krystal". she makes me laugh. i could watch her scenes all day long. i made a graphic for a page on my site. it has a close-up of officer krystal with her words - "i'll be giving YOU an enema" - on top and "hell hath no fury like a female in uniform" on the bottom. ha.

speaking of humpable movie-stars, i fell in love with SHANE the first time i saw the movie called "shane". IF I MARRIED HIM, I WOULD BE MRS. SHANE BALDWIN!!!!! oops - maybe not. if his name is shane and my name is baldwin, i don't think i'd be named mrs. shane baldwin. how would that work? i don't know.

i guess it's "back to the drawing board" on that one. i guess i'll add more as i think of more.

...i thought of more...

my favorite hockey-goalie OF ALL TIME is chris terreri. he played for the new jersey devils. i had first discovered him when i was going to an orthopedic-surgeon in springfield. he had the nickname "scary terreri". speaking of rhyming nicknames, some jerks i had known used to call me "bawlin' baldwin" and "xanax alex" because i was living in a state of panic after i was charged with "corruption of a minor" by the baldwin-family of liars and the pedo-licious daughters.

anyway, i'll start with dislikes. what idon't like is how the baldwins have made me want to move out of my dream-house. it is my dream-house, even though its construction was another nightmare in which i was taken advantage of by the contractors, which resulted in a judge awarding me over $10,000 in 2005 (i am still waiting for that money). it will always be my dream-house, and i should not be frightened about living there just because it is near the baldwins who want so much to say "i woke him up from his anti-gay, anti-feminist dream, and now this feminist-disrespecter is gone".

speaking of dislikes...i actually have been feeling like a liar to call my house a "dream-house". it's not. i love the property it's on, the house is livable, but i have been living there for almost 20 years and i have been getting bored. i also do not like having to drive so far to visit any casinos, and when i saw how many casinos were in oklahoma, i had set my sails for a new horizon. that reminds me of a song called "we said hello, goodbye" by phil collins. anyway, yeah, with everything in this world being nothing that's worth living for, casinos make being alive somewhat bearable.

speaking of what makes life bearable for someone with a "traumatic brain-injury," i'd have to say that relocating has always been another experience that kept me interested and occupied. yes, this website keeps me interested now, as my main website had done for around 15 years, but doing this website is going to get boring too. going to casinos, no matter how many free rooms i get, is admittedly a break from my room and my house, but i am looking forward to moving to an area where casinos are everywhere. not vegas, as i do not like cities or city-traffic ("city-traffic moving way too slow," says aretha franklin), but oklahoma is a place where casinos aren't sparse and are on indian-reservations, so that won't be city-like.

casinos on indian-reservations...that reminds me of an episode of "malcolm in the middle".

this is getting to be more than a page which is bashing the baldwins, i guess. oh, well. i was just saying why i do not like my dream-house. the dislike is mostly due to location, as casinos are 30, 45 and 75 minutes away, but it's also boredom of the house. when i was in my early 20s, i got 3-month leases and was always interested and occupied with the new places i was in. i want to get back to being interested in life, maybe i'll at least try one of those weekly-rentals in the area designed for the gas- and oil-workers.

which reminds me, i have "transcranial magnetic-stimulation" starting in 2 days from now. i will be going every day for 5 weeks, staying for 30-40 minutes at a time, and maybe it'll make me open to be interested in things. if not, i am interested in gay bathhouses, but i have to drive to cleveland for a good one. they have a big room of exercise-equipment, so i like that one. there are cruisy ymca-locations, too, but i am just so boring that nobody is interested. i don't talk much, either.

speaking of tms, maybe that will get me to be more adventurous socially. i hope tms doesn't become an inconvenience like pms. speaking of pms, i would like to drink the blood that spews out of either baldwin-daughter. hehe. i hope that tms doesn't give me a seizure which would make me need ems. speaking of ems, there is an ems-worker named avery baldwin who i saw on google and who i find very attractive. i'm envisioning his schlong right now, and i love what i see.

UPDATE: the tms was a bust. i was prescribed 36 sessions, waited nearly a year for insurance to approve it, and i called it quits by the 15th or 16th session. they had me doing 9-minute sessions, and a couple of days before i quit is when they started doing 9-minute sessions on the right side of my head to help with tinnitus. after i "left that basement burning and i never went back," the tms-people at the tms-place in wexford/warrendale actually called the police when i did not show up for a couple of days. yes, really.

more of what i don't like...i also don't like how an internet-search for "alex a baldwin" brings up a plethora of articles about alec baldwin. a search for "alex a baldwin cunt custard" has me at #4, overshadowed by only 3 articles on alec baldwin. for all he brought to "beetlejuice," it's just not worth having him around. someone should do to him what he and the vagina he married want to be done to trump...with alec baldwin not around, maybe my website would rank better.

i also don't like how i am easily searchable on, even before becoming avery bald man, meaning that i should not be searchable on google until i have had enough years under my belt to have actually accomplished something. a search on google for either ofthe two baldwin-sisters should reveal what they have done to me, as what they did was a major accomplishment in the eyes of their feminist-cohorts who are also anti-man, but is that the kind of web-article which shows up if their names are searched? of course not. an article like that would damage their names and would probably outcast them from every society which is not girlie-sympathizing enough to give special compensations to the female gender in an effort to make females appear just as relevant and competent as the stronger gender is, and that is probably why their reprehensible actions are nowhere to be found onlinie.

i do not like bob dylan, tom petty, mick jagger, george harrison or anyone like that. i also don't like people who criticize teens who twerk, because i like people who go after parents of teens who twerk. i guess that is the same as the baldwins being bad parents, since the baldwin-girls are a couple of oversexualized pedophile-entrappers.

"the name is baldwin. alex a baldwin. and i approve this webpage"
ps - if anyone wants the grad-picture of the one baldwin-hottie's face and tit-cleavage, email me and i'll give it away...just as easily as her picture implies she gives it away! do you sport short-shorts and titty-cleavage because you WANT men to view you as an object?!

(insert nanny fine's nasal laugh)